My Journey - Maturity the Hard Way

The initial blog on my journey focused on my teen years, and the people and events that shaped who I am. The second blog in this series tells the story of failures during my college years due to immaturity and a lack of knowing my purpose (I had no why!).

Every journey is filled with highs and lows. Afterall, life is a marathon and not a sprint. I don’t think any of us are the same person we were in our teens, twenties, thirties, etc. Life isn’t easy and it is filled with lessons to be learned. Some people mature early and find their purpose while others - like fine wine - take time to mature.

For me, I teetered during this important formative time in my life between waiting to mature like fine wine and being the person who peaked in high school. I focused so much on sports and trying to fit in and be popular in high school that I developed, not bad, but zero study habits. I showed up to college ready for the party. I was one of less than 40 graduates in my high school class. I was from a small blue collar papermill town in north Louisiana. I headed almost four hours south to the big city of Baton Rouge and LSU for college. I arrived a week before classes started and went through fraternity rush. The Sunday night before classes started - at LSU there was a party any day that ended in “y” - my new fraternity brothers took me for a night of partying. The next morning I awoke on the couch in one of the older guys apartment. I say morning - it was close to noon. No one was there. I didn’t know Baton Rouge and had no idea how far I was from my dorm on campus. Once I got the cobwebs out of my head I realized I had missed all of my first day’s classes. I started panicking thinking about my grandparents' reaction when the school called to tell them I didn’t show up for class. Just after noon one of the older guys who lived in the apartment returned and asked if I wanted a ride to the fraternity house for lunch. He noticed my worried look and I told him I was afraid my grandparents might tell me to come back home when they found out I missed class. Once he quit laughing he explained to me that I was now in college and no one cared if I went to class. While his statement eased my concern with my grandparents it was the worst thing he could have said to me. I now had a free pass to sleep in and party as much as I wanted - and I wanted to party.

The first warning sign should have come at mid-terms when grades were released and I teetered below a 2.0 gpa. The same older guy who gave me sage advice on missing class convinced me that the most important goal for me was to get above a 2.0 so I needed to drop (ability to quit before failing) my lowest two classes. At the time I didn’t know nor care that I paid for each hour and dropping classes was simply throwing away money. It was the simple solution and I took it. The problem was I looked at it as a way I could continue my lifestyle of making every party and occasionally making class on test days. I ended my first semester below a 2.0 and was put on academic probation.

During my first semester break I spent most of the time giving my grandparents a litany of excuses and promising I would get everything straight the second semester. One of the things I harped on was blaming dorm life for a lack of quiet study time. I convinced them I should get an apartment. My second semester I rented an apartment with the only other guy from my school who went to LSU. He and I had played basketball together for many years. Problem was he was one of my main party friends in high school. The semester started better and at mid-term I had above a 3.0 gpa thanks largely to me convincing my academic counselor to let me drop two math levels for a pass/fail course. The second half of my second semester I needed a job. My grandmother was a bank teller and one of her favorite patrons was the local grocer who owned the store behind the bank and came in to do business with her every day. The grocer’s son was a State Senator and my grandmother asked if his son could help find me a job. I was still known in my home town for my basketball success and being one of the few who ventured south to the flagship university. The next thing I knew I had a job working in the state legislature. I was rubbing arms every day with the most powerful people in the state of Louisiana including getting to know our infamous governor Edwin Edwards.

I love Louisiana. The people are hard working and down to earth. They also love a good party. Each night after the day’s session ended some lobbying group would be throwing a huge party with free food and drinks. Most of the time the college workers were given invitations to the parties. I never missed a one. The study habits and class attendance I started in the first half of the semester went out the window. The math class I talked my way into and was boosting my gpa - I bombed the final which was 75% of our grade. When the semester ended I headed home for a few weeks with every intention of returning for summer school and to find another job since my legislative job ended with the semester. I was nervous about grades but felt I did enough to stay above a 2.0 and to get off probation. I still remember the feeling and look on my grandmother’s face when my grades arrived in the mail notifying me that I had “earned” a 1.9 my second semester and with it a one semester academic suspension from school. For the first time in my life I felt like a failure.

My grandmother was determined to teach me a lesson about “real” life. She got me a job working a convenience store in a rough part of town. I was given the overnight shift which was particularly scary between midnight and 2 am when the bars closed. After a few criminal incidents near me, my grandmother thought the lesson could be better taught in a safer environment. She got me a job in the proof department of the bank. I spent the next several months in a small room by myself counting food stamps and money. My freedom was gone and I was stuck at home. The experience made me determined to go back and succeed in school because I now knew the alternative. By the way, the high school friend who was my roommate also left LSU after that semester. He went to La. Tech where he struggled with partying (his became more hardcore). Like fine wine though he made it through the rough patch and matured and today he is a Episcopal priest.

In the spring of my second year out of high school, I decided to stay at home and attend the local university with the majority of people from my town who went to college. I wanted to move out of my grandparents home and ended back up in a dorm. While I was more attentive to my grades knowing it was my last chance in school, I still seldom missed a party invitation. I played intramurals and got involved in a local fraternity at the school. I started dating my first real girlfriend who was a wonderful person - something I was not at the time. I spent three semesters at the local school, but the competitive spirit in me wanted to go back to a bigger school. I went back to LSU determined to show it couldn’t beat me.

My cousin worked in the athletic department and knew I needed a job to afford school. He helped get me a manager role on the tennis team which happened to come with a full scholarship including meals in the athletic cafeteria. I didn’t know it at the time, but this job saved my college career. It provided the funding I needed for school and allowed me to learn all about being a good tennis player. To this day I still play competitive tennis. I improved as a student, but I never said no to an invitation to party.

As I was approaching my 6th year of college - yes you read that correctly - I had mastered the ability to change majors and do enough in class to keep my gpa above a 3.0. I was enjoying life and had no intention of graduating. It wasn’t even really on my mind. All athletes at LSU would meet with a special academic advisor towards the end of a semester to plan and register for classes the next semester - it was a benefit for athletes so they could schedule classes (that usually filled quickly) to fit around their practice schedules. As I was about to start my spring semester I was called into the dean’s office. He was a nice guy who had taken a liking to me - my guess is because he saw me for so many years. He pulled me into his office and had my transcript on his desk. He closed the door and told me he was going to do my parents a favor - it was time for me to graduate. I had plenty of hours for a degree - I just needed a couple of required classes that I had so far avoided taking. He made me sign up for those classes. My last semester seemed to fly by and before I knew it I was sitting in Tiger Stadium in my gown listening to former President Ronald Reagan give our commencement speech. What now?

I had the opportunity to go snow skiing my freshman year at LSU - another story in itself with 5 guys driving my grandmother’s station wagon from Louisiana to Breckenridge, Colorado - and fell in love with the mountains. I decided after graduation I wanted to live in Colorado so I packed up my few items into a small U-Haul and moved to Denver. I was lucky that within a few weeks in Denver I had landed a job with Northwestern Mutual Life. I met some wonderful and successful agents who assured me that I had what it took to be successful. One problem was few people wanted a kid right out of school to give them financial planning advice. The other was the job was strictly commission based and I had no money. By the time I went through training and got my license I was broke. I called one of my fraternity brothers to talk to him about my dilemma. He was in his first year of law school at the time. He convinced me that I had what it took to be a lawyer, but more importantly he told me it would give me 3 more years of school to figure things out. I decided on that call that law school was for me. I hung up and drove up to Breckenridge for the day to walk around and ponder my decision. I believe that everything happens for a reason. While walking around Breckenridge I ran into a guy about my age from Louisiana who was taking a year off from college to work at the resort and ski. I loved that idea and all of sudden with my new decision to attend law school had time on my hands. I applied for a job that day and was hired on the spot. I went back to Denver and gave my notice to both my employer and apartment manager that I was leaving. The next thing I knew I was sharing a one room employee dorm with several other Louisiana guys. I spent the next 6 months working nights and skiing every day. Life was good.

I failed to mention that I decided I would go to law school not that I had been accepted to law school. I signed up for the LSAT in January and drove to Denver in a snow storm to take the test. I did well on the test but my first year at LSU made it unlikely my index would be high enough to get accepted to LSU Law School. LSU went strictly by the numbers, but across town Southern University Law Center prided itself on being the most diverse law school in the country. It took a more holistic look at students and it never hurt to have a little political pull to get accepted. When ski season ended I headed back to Louisiana and my first stop was at the law office of the recently elected governor Edwin Edwards who after a four year hiatus won a hard fought election. I hoped he remembered the guy who six years earlier worked in the state capital. I sat in his office for hours until he walked out and smiled at me saying “Hey Beau long time”. I doubt he really remembered me, but he was a great politician and impressed I had the “balls” to come to his office and ask for a recommendation. My grandfather told me many times when I was young that people couldn’t tell you yes unless you asked the question. I have never been afraid to try something others say you can’t do (remember how I became obsessed with basketball). Governor Edwards picked up the phone and called the law school’s Chancellor recommending me to him. A week later I had my acceptance letter.

The first day of law school they give you the failure rate. At the time at Southern the number neared half the class. I was petrified. I had poor study habits and no plan B if law school didn’t work out. It scared me straight. At law school you had to go to class or you would be kicked out. Attendance was taken and Professors seemed to pride themselves on asking questions and embarrassing students every day. The experience toughened me. At the end of the first semester I was in the top 10% of my class. It was a position I would hold throughout the three years. My last year in law school I asked our clinical advisor for an appointment to work part-time as a prosecutor in the District Attorney’s office. I was told that position only went to certain favored students. I ignored what I was told and asked anyway. I did it early in my second year before anyone else had made the request. The Advisor liked my boldness and told me to come back before my third year and ask again. I did and got the appointment. I never had a passion to be a lawyer. I did love competition and helping other people. Becoming a lawyer gave me that chance.

The other - most important - thing that happened to me in law school was I started to mature. In the first week of law school while studying one day in the LSU law library I was introduced to a beautiful and nice girl named Laura. We hit it off and there was just something special about her. We spent the next two years becoming close friends and would spend hours visiting in the law library (instead of studying so maybe I wasn’t the best influence on her). Before our third year we met out one night and we did our usual gabbing (more flirting than gabbing) when a close friend of mine boldly told us to just go out and quit dancing around it. We did and a year later were married the week between my graduation from Southern Law School and her graduation from LSU Law School. This year will mark our 30th wedding anniversary.

Law school helped mature me. I had used the fear of failure to fuel success. Just as with basketball and seeing years of hard work lead to a championship, I saw how perseverance and a refusal to fail led to success. I believe people aren’t defined by how they succeed, but how they handle failure. We all fail. I fail at something every day. I learned during college and law school how to fail and how to bounce back from failure.

My life journey as a family man and lawyer was just beginning and I still had plenty to learn. The final blog on my journey is about the lessons learned looking for my why in my career. Of all the lessons for me the why took the longest to discover. As with the rest of the journey it came with lots of lessons.

I end this blog with one of my favorite quotes. It comes from Michael Jordan who I still believe is the best basketball player of all-time.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”